How to Support Survivors of Sexual Abuse

I want this to be a guide for survivors, their friends, and family to learn how to support their loved ones who've been through sexual trauma. I hope that by following these steps a survivor feels believed and a listener can be part of the survivor's support system.

1. Just listen- It's hard not to have a strong reaction when someone discloses sexual abuse, but survivors need to be able to share everything they need to without having to cater to the listener's reaction and response. Asking questions and sharing your feelings shouldn't be a priority when someone discloses sexual abuse to you. There's time for that later and it's important to remember that it's okay for a survivor not to answer your questions.
2. Validate- The first person a survivor discloses abuse to has a huge impact on their healing journey. Taking the survivor's needs and safety as a priority and acknowledging their feelings is necessary. Telling a survivor that you believe them, that you're glad they trusted you enough to share, and that no matter what they're there for you and love you should be the first thing a survivor hears following a disclosure.
3. Give choices without pressure- It's important not to pressure a survivor into sharing with others or reporting to the police before they're ready. (There's an exception if you're a mandatory reporter and the survivor is a minor, elder, or differently abled). Supporters must remember that survivors can seek justice through the criminal system if they'd like to, but they may choose not to and that's okay too. When someone is sexually abused, they're not able to make any of their own decisions, when they become a survivor they need to be reminded that they get to make their own decision.
4. Be present but provide space- Ensure the survivor knows you're there for them, but don't hoover or baby them. Often, that can make a survivor feel like people are walking on eggshells around them which only impedes the healing journey. Trust that the survivor will come and talk to you when needed, and don't push them to do so before they're ready.
5. Recognize how it's affecting you and receive support- Having someone disclose sexual abuse to you is very impactful, you must reflect and consider your own emotions surrounding this disclosure. Taking care of yourself is important especially if you want to be a support for the survivor who disclosed to you. Talking to a therapist, which is confidential (unless the abuse relates to a minor, elder, or differently abled person) can be extremely beneficial. If sharing the situation with a therapist who is a mandatory reporter would betray the survivor's trust, then instead share a hypothetical scenario that can get you answers and support.

Retraumatizing vs. Therapeutic

• Asking a survivor to go through their abuse in detail after they've disclosed it can be retraumatizing. However, if the survivor is sharing intimate details of the abuse without questions being asked it could be therapeutic. Remember that all circumstances of sexual abuse are different and all survivors respond to abuse uniquely. Everyone has their way of coping and what you think to be therapeutic could be retraumatizing for them and vice versa.

Different survivors need different things, for instance, I had to write my story and relive it to move forward. That was therapeutic for me, but I know many survivors who moved forward without detailing their abuse. Some survivors might only use sports, art, and school work to heal while others might need multiple different types of therapy/counseling.

Remember that there's no timeline for healing.

The article below is by RAINN, the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. This article discusses how to deal with your own emotions following a survivor disclosing sexual abuse to you.

The best way to support survivors of sexual abuse is to take care of yourself so that when they need support, you can offer it to them.

The video below was made in Australia but has a lot of good information and connects on many levels with my article. I highly recommend watching this video, it will enhance your ability to support survivors of sexual assault as a friend or family member.